Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
