i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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