Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
