About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
