Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
