God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
