Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
my poor anus
I would ride that face into the sunset
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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