Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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