I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
