I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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