I think I won the penis lottery.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize