ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
