why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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