The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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