I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
