I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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