Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
