just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
