the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
did you just send me my own nude
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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