Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
