another moral hangover. fuck.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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