I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
