its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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