a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
