i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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