Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
this will be a night to untag.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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