So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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