I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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