I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
