That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
