his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
