we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
