meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
