I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
