i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
