Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
