I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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