weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
