He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
