Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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