people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
