I've blown a few things in my day
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There r osticjed everywhere
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
