You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
