my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
