can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
