there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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