Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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