look no pants
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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