Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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