I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
