ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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