Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
