i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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