Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
pray to the hookup gods
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
