Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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