I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
