Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
