He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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