Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
