Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
