Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
