I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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