i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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