if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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